Before getting pregnant I had a plan. I knew exactly how things would go. My husband and I had just gotten married. We would wait three years, two if I could reach my goal sooner. During that time I would work my butt off and get to the point in my career where I could work from home. I would finish my MBA and be done with school all before my first trimester of pregnancy. We would have two incomes and be financially stable so we could raise our children without much worry. Sounds good right?
Well God revealed to me that my plan had nothing to do with Him. It did not require much faith, or any room to grow closer to Him. Sure I could have penciled that into my plan but God did not want to be penciled in to my life He wanted to consume my life. Proverbs 19:21(NIV) says, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose which prevails.”
My having a plan wasn’t the problem, the problem was I did not make sure my plan lined up with God’s purpose for my life. As the word of God says His purpose prevailed in my life. Six months into being married, I got pregnant and my whole world changed. I was working as a temp for an HVAC company, working on my MBA and learning the ropes on being a wife.
When I was 5 months along with my daughter, Summer, I was placed on bed rest and my husband became the sole provider for our family. It was unexpected, and it was a stretch of faith. Even then, God was using this precious baby girl to teach me to rest in Him. Being pregnant and on bed rest was one of the hardest things for me to do.
I felt fine, I looked fine but there was something going on inside of me that required me to be still. Have you ever felt God stilling you when all you want to do is run? I wanted to be out and about, I wanted to work, I had a plan, but God told me to rest and wait.
With my next pregnancy it wasn't as hard to trust God. My husband’s job moved us to a new state, my blood work during pregnancy showed early signs of cancer and I was far away from my friends. This time I knew to trust God and rest. I could see this child, my son, was teaching me early. God blessed me with good friends, after much prayer and months of testing it was found that I did not have cancer, and my son Kristian II was born perfectly healthy.
I see myself in my daughter all the time. Not so much in her features as in her actions. There were days where she would cry and want everything right at that moment. For example, during a growth spurt, Summer was so frustrated she was screaming at the top of her lungs, she just could not get satisfied. As I tried to nurse her she continued to scream, it's was only when I stopped and pulled her away to calm her down did she latch on and eat.
God revealed to me that I do the same thing. Sometimes I get so frustrated and I want something so badly from God. I feel so misunderstood like my need is not important to Him. Doesn’t He know that I need this now? What is taking so long? God I need you to satisfy me. It sometimes gets to the point where He has to pull me away from the thing I desire, calm me down, and offer it to me again.
I wonder how many times God has had to pull me back from my blessing because I was so close I didn’t see it as such. How many opportunities has He had to re-present it to me because I didn’t recognize it as the thing I had been praying for. I thought I was older spiritually but God is revealing to me that, at times, I don’t act much older than the children I am raising. While trying to raise children for a purpose, God is raising me to be a purpose parent.
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